I woke up Monday morning slightly groggy but excited for the White Sands National Park. I debated doing laundry but opted to just shower and go instead. The drive from Las Cruces only took 45 minutes and the park had Just opened. No one was at the gates yet, which meant no one was charging for entry. The gate was open - just no one in the window. Before you say anything, the guy at the main desk said if no one is there, there is no fee. They just got new staff, training, timing issues, etc.
When I tell you it was like being in the Sahara... The whitest sand and tallest dunes as far as the eye can see! Right after bushes and trees and normal clay desert kinds of things - just BAM! Apparently, there was an ocean there millions of years ago and as the sea levels dropped and the land mass rose, the sandy sediment on the ocean floor came with it. I got to climb up and walk through an ancient sea floor! That's some next level mermaid stuff right there.
Yeah, st*t was cool.
I spent a good couple of hours there and decided I needed to get going. What was I in a rush for? Absolutely no reason, I just have anxiety. I also had a lot of ground to cover up next - Texas. Texas alone can take a whole day, and the last time I drove through Texas, I'd ended up accidentally in Mexico with no passport (I made sure to bring it this time). I left White Sands with a feeling of my insignificance, stopped for gas, some red bull, and a 5-Hour Energy Shot just in case and off I went.
I won't bore you with the details of the next fifteenish hours - just lots of driving and refueling and a single BK run for chicken fries. It was a mistake, believe me. I messaged my friend in Indiana that I'd be there a lot sooner than planned, which was Saturday evening. I'd be there Wednesday instead. Thankfully she was free, so I was going to do Hot Springs National Park in Arkansas Tuesday and then head up to the Indiana dunes and stop in to see her Wednesday.
That meant getting to Ohio by Thursday morning. I decided not to tell a single soul until absolutely necessary.
To note (and skip this if you're not keen on super long musings about the vastness and beauty of this world or the smell of rain coming in from the east). On Tuesday as I'm driving through Texas, I'm going through these back roads on I 410 or maybe 195, I honestly do not remember. I'm going under all of these canopies of trees and just being amazed by how green everything is. It made me miss this side of the country a little bit just because in Arizona there's nowhere that's this green. Even in Flagstaff it's snow or it's rock, but there's not just big fields of grass and huge groves of trees, at least not in winter. And I just missed all of the trees. And the smell of oaks and pines entwined in large groves. I think I was just feeling rather dreamy along my lonely drive. The kind of big gulp of air in your chest and walking a little bit taller feeling.
I was feeling small, wondering how the world could be so pretty and so vast. I think it was because I woke up at 6:00 a.m. after maybe 3 and 1/2 hours of sleep. So I was a little sideways instead of fully cognizant. I think the XM radio station Coffee House really helped because it's just all dreamy music and ballads. I don't know. I just felt a little more whole or maybe even a little incomplete like... I missed home or something.
But what is home? I always thought that it was Arizona. Or I'd thought that it was the road. I think maybe I don't know what or where home is. So I just keep driving. I just keep searching for home.
- Smooth Segway -
I made it to Hot Springs, Arkansas and saw a few bathhouses. They literally have the natural spring going under them and use it to fill the tubs inside! I walked through downtown Hot Springs and found a little Mexican restaurant with a bartender that looked like Mina Kunis (she did not agree she looked like her but appreciated the compliment). Excellent taco salad, good company.
After a margarita for the road, I drove very sleepily through Arkansas to Memphis to get to a campsite for a much needed shower and that dreaded heap of laundry. I had maybe two pairs of underwear left, so it was necessary. I had a minor emotional breakdown on the way about a family matter on the drive and pulled over to call my best friend, Tara. She was lovely and made me stop crying and I felt much better.
Another rambling musing about the road incoming - The great thing about doing solo vanlife is that you may be solo, but you're never truly alone. I have Ben and Carla, and Gary, Richard, Becky in Arizona. Liz and Marvin in California. Trey soon to be in Texas. Aliyah and Karina in Colorado. Liz and Theo in Indiana. Tara, Megan and Max, Lindsay, Liz and Sam, and Rachel in Ohio. Alex in Pennsylvania. I have so many people along the way that I never feel like someone is too far away from me. That's super comforting and makes me a lot less lonely as I drive further and further down the road. It also made me feel super comfortable about letting go of the last bits of family I had (more on this later).
To further my week of mental breakdowns (two in two days was a new record) - I was still reeling from Tuesday when I was getting ready for a dinner date with Liz B in Indiana and dropped concealer on my new White Sands van shirt (every national park visit is paired with a national park van decal of an actual van - if they're out, I get the matching T-shirt - it doesn't have to make sense, it just is how it is). I couldn't get it out and just started crying. I was bawling. Just tears and snot and making a scene in the parking lot of a Mexican restaurant. It was obviously a big overreaction, and I could recognize that even in the moment. I just couldn't stop it.
I posted on FB the status of my mental breakdown via concealer dilemma and was SAVED BY THE BEN. OxiClean + warm water = removal of makeup stains. Who knew? Google wasn't helping with what I had in my van - it said dish soap and don't scrub. It said cold water and makeup wipes. MAKEUP WIPES! All that did was smear it into the shirt further. I had given up and thought maybe I can turn the shirt into a bandana or a pillow case or something. I was GIVING UP like an asshole. I couldn't handle a simple problem at this moment, obviously. But I digress, it has been resolved!
So - I made it to Ohio FINALLY and got to see Megan's baby girl. I spent a few hours catching up with them and holding her and she was just the cutest. I also saw Rachel and we stayed up talking about cryptids and energies and waited on the meteor shower. Then I got to see my best friend, Tara. We had a chill Friday night, had a blast on Saturday, and are once again chilling today. We plan to have two more days of relaxing togetherness and I'll be on my way once more. She's been my rock this week, this past year. Hell, this past decade. When my family ties come undone, she's there to tell me its going to be okay. She's my family. Digression, once more!
Widdle Baby Marcie
So today - I got a few new tattoos. I got a dog print on my hand for Thanos (we miss you, stinky boy), and a snail and cactus for my love of Arizona and a snail obsession with a friend I met in Arizona last year. He's obsessed with them - I like them well enough. There's a love story to tell about the desert and the night sky and stolen kisses in my van next to a campfire and yadda yadda.
So on top of all the mental breakdowns I've had this past week, that's where my week ended.
I promise next week's post will be less depressing and sassy and snide. I'll be coming to you from somewhere between Philadelphia and Surry, Maine. I start my six month stint on the following Wednesday. Wish me luck!
***And no, I didn't forget about the promised tattoo photo - I'm giving you the Thanos paws because the other one is a surprise for someone, you'll see it next Sunday!
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