I'll Just Stay in The ER, Thanks.. (thought I posted this two weeks ago?)

The DAY after I posted my last blog entry, I was in the ER with a terrible kidney infection - the ER doc said it was bordering kidney failure, so we had to act fast. I was in so much pain from my uterus issues and then BAM! Kidneys trying to take me out before I'm ready to go. I spent seven days writhing in pain and guzzling water like my life depended on it. Because it did. I did not do a single thing from Sunday to Sunday other than sleep, drink water, and take sleeping pills to put me out of my misery and let me sleep through the pain. The hospital wouldn't give me any pain meds, said I just had to ride it out, so I did. Begrudgingly. 

I slowly but surely started feeling better and my right side got back to normal. It still hurts every now and again, but the mad cocktail of antibiotics and herbal teas and melatonin seem to have done the trick. I had a few roommates and coworkers that very kindly brought me food and care packages while I got better. 

Then immediately after I was healed - more likely, when I was finally feeling well enough to leave the house - I went to a concert! I saw The Chicks (formerly known as the Dixie Chicks). They put on quite the show and I loved every moment of it. Kelsey from camp went with me and we did dinner at the casino in Bangor before the show. Her partner, Ethan, came with us just to gamble while we went to the concert. It was fun! 

And three days later, off I went Back to that concert venue to see the Lumineers perform. I took Liv and Mack with me. Unbelievably, Katie had gotten a kidney stone and infection just a few days prior and couldn't come with us (I took her to the ER and I'm officially done with ERs this year). Mack was a lightweight and made me anxious that the concert staff wouldn't let us in. She is 100lbs soaking wet and couldn't walk without running into things after two hard seltzers. I begged her to drink her weight in water before we walked over to the concert from the restaurant and thankfully, we were let in without incident. The concert was a lot of fun, but I think I had more fun at the Chicks. Don't get me wrong, the Lumineers put on quite the show and we had a blast. I think it was just the atmosphere and the fear/anxiety that wasn't letting me fully enjoy myself. I had a good time, though. I'd also been up for 30-some hours at that point, so maybe I was just overly tired. 

I've kept up with the Dip a Day outside of a few days missed because of the uterus+kidney issues all in the same weekend. Liv and I have gone to the Neck religiously and she's even started biking while I wait on the beach. I'm hoping I can hop on with her sometime, I just need to revisit the knowing how to ride a bike thing. I'm hopeful. 

Camp is coming to a close. There are only 52 more days of camp left. With everyone leaving, I'm finally able to get overtime and work work work so I spend less and make more money. The company sent out their transfer options earlier this month, and I think I've decided to transfer to Zion this fall instead of waiting for next summer. That way, I'm already in Arizona/Utah and I'm already working for the camp, so starting back in March will be a breeze. I will have to skip going back to Ohio in October, but I will return a literal month later. I'll probably fly in and see Tara for a week and fly back. That way, I'm not driving my truck too much and wearing down the tires. 

I'm ready to be in the Arizona sun again. I miss it dearly and I've just been too wet up here. The weather has been rain, rain, rain, some sun, and then more rain. I'm soggy! 

Less Pain, Waiting Patiently For the Gain

Some highlights and lowlights from the past two weeks!

I've worked less! I had some uterus issues and pain, but no babies! There are less than 69 days of camp left (nice)! I found a new water collection system so I can stop buying plastic! I saw the Barbie movie! My newish phone has started turning off randomly and inconveniently! I successfully got into the ocean every single day in July and plan to continue this with Liv!

Now, to expound upon some of these and give some deeeeeets!

I've been trying to eat from the earth more lately (not buying plastics or overly processed foods). A coworker has located a local spring nearby that has cold, fresh natural water. Background - I was sick last week (and still am). Terrible horrible pain I've never felt before and I was stuck in bed for the better part of the week. This friend, also named Sarah, brought me pain meds and fresh spring water from a natural spring about fifteen minutes from our houses. It tasted delicious and was cold from the spring already. There's a map online that shows where more of these springs are located, and I'm going to do my best to utilize these moving forward. It will 100% save on the cost of water instead of paying to get processed water from stores and whatnot. I will be filling a jug or two before I leave Maine. Now to just speed up my gardening processes! I have seeds and a way to transport my garden as I move around, it's merely the time the growing process takes that makes Not buying a shred of anything whilst still eating daily a bit difficult. In due time, though! 

Last week, Liv and I went exploring since we miraculously had the same day off on a Saturday. And since I'm not a gatekeeper *(and this is a google-able location slash less than local secret, more just a local spot), I Must tell you about this lowtide beach! Liv and I hiked a mile through a faerie kingdom and lovely mossy swamp to somehow crest a fucking mountain and then pop down to a beach that only appears during low tide. It was wild, so many beautiful stops along the way and mushrooms to oogle and ogle. 

Me, trying to find a cute little spot to pee in the faerie kingdom.

Literal naturally occurring faerie hovel along the way.

Crest of said mountain, see the ocean and islands below?

Once at the beach, we set up a little spot for a drink and some snacks, and read while we waited for our sunscreen to soak in. Once it did, we ran straight into the water at full speed! It was so so cold! (Apparently the science behind why this spot is colder than the spot we go to daily is that it is closer to being Open Ocean. Our usual spot, Newbury Neck, is in an inlet of ocean water but isn't 'open ocean'. It's kept warm and protected by two shores. The more you know.) When I say so so cold, I mean FRIGID as fuck. Ice ice baby. But still very cool, as in awesome. We watched as the birds (Terns) dove from high up in the sky WOOOOSH down into the waves to retrieve fish and crabs. One literally dropped a crab from the sky over us into the water. We didn't notice until we looked over and saw the crab fighting for it's life on the surface of the water, slowly drifting back down to the sand. The hour hike in and out wasn't bad at all - the way back felt like twenty minutes compared to the way in. We will be going back once we get a day off together again, but we aren't sharing it with others at camp because we want to go alone most days. Not gatekeeping if asked about it, just not openly giving it out to people we know! 

On the mountain top heading down to the beach, me and Liv

Later that day, we went to a nice little restaurant that was playing live music (think old timey bar music, slow and sultry). It was called Verona and Wine by Design. They had some good charcuterie boards, even gluten free options for Liv, and excellent wine and sparkling margaritas. At this point, I was going on 24 hours of not sleeping and I was fading quite fast. Liv kept having to shake me to wake me up more because we were still hoping to catch a 9pm showing of the new Barbie movie that night. We drove to Bangor, got popcorn and a soda to stay awake with, and wouldn't you know? I stay awake through the entire movie but LIV FALLS ASLEEP. Go figure! The Barbie movie was everything I wanted it to be and more, I just enjoyed it so much. We drove home after and I slept for over 18 hours, but it was very much needed. 

I tried making it back to Ohio this past week, but did not make it past Connecticut. I was in too much pain after having a uterus issue and had to stop every hour or so to throw up, poop, and cry. I will not go into more detail than that because it was traumatic and we're here to have fun, right? Fun and laughter and no pain or gory details! Yay! I was sad because I miss Tara and we planned to have a detox to rid our brains and hearts of very shitty situations and happenings recently and it was much needed. But! I will visit soon enough - there are less than 70 days of camp left and Ohio is my first stop in October. 

Next weekend, I will be seeing the Chicks (formally the Dixie Chicks) live in concert, then the Lumineers, and finally in September - NOAH FREAKING KAHAN, so I am living for the next few weeks to fly by. Once I get to Noah Kahan, it's basically time to head west again and I am just DYING for my little spot atop a sandy plateau in Arizona and a nice fire. I am not a concert person, how did I get here? 

Oh! Oh! OH! July's Dip a Day goal was successfully completed! Every single day in July, rain or shine, I went into the ocean. All 31 days, I swam, I kayaked, I boated, and my body went into a body of water each and every single day.
The benefits:
1) I was a calmer person overall. I'm usually very, very high strung when faced with a new job and living situations daily, so this helped me relax and have something to look forward to when I was stressing out or not looking forward to a conversation or shift at camp that day.
2) I also ate every day. This is a big issue for me, forgetting to eat for days at a time. You'd think I'd lose weight - no. I just binge eat on a random day to make up for it and end up making myself sick trying to recoup all the lost days without food. I would bring a breakfast sandwich to the beach and eat it while I read or journaled before taking a dip.
3) I did, however, drink more - what's a day at the beach without a few beers? It wasn't all bad - I was being more active and working the alcohol through my system, probably. BUT that's an August goal now - no alcohol unless had with dinner out. No beach beers or kitchen shots; we are curbing our alcoholic intake because we're doing too much right now. In September, we will balance once we've curbed our poor habits.
4) I slept in the evenings so I was more well-rested before a camp shift at 10pm. Going to the beach directly after work most mornings meant I wasn't sleeping until noon. This meant a solid eight hours Right before going back to work and not being as sleepy once I was there. 
5) I got to spend most mornings with Liv or Katie and on the days neither of them were able to, I had a nice, relaxing and quiet beach to myself and could read or journal and just vibe out in silence. 
6) THERE WERE SO MANY DOGGOS!!! Every morning after high tide, a lady brings her dog Opal to the beach. Every morning regardless of the tide, another woman brings her old Olly to the beach and plays fetch with him (this means we got to play fetch too). Another woman, who lives right across the street from the beach, always had a tiny, scrappy white dog with three legs she brought to the beach (we lovingly call him Tripp) but sometimes dog sat for a family member so she brought an older chocolate lab with her too. So so so many dogs!!!

Katie is excited Dip a Day July is over so she doesn't have to stress about making it to the beach everyday, but Liv and I gladly welcome the stress and plan on continuing the tradition daily. I haven't been to the beach two out of the five days so far, only because I've been stuck in bed sick. But! I did tippy toe into the ocean in Rhode Island on my failed attempt to Ohio when I was on my way back and you can bet your ass I'm counting it. 

So here's to many more ocean dips, playing fetch with beach doggos, faerie-esque hikes to hidden beaches, and journeying back out west so so soon! 

Did I Say Fast? haha..

After writing my last post, where I was hopeful and excited and pleasantly surprised how quickly time had been moving...I hit a rut. Time slowed to a stop. I became restless and did not know what to do. Liv was out of town in NY, hiking with friends. Katie and I had opposite schedules and saw each other only in passing. Tara had been having trouble managing her own work/life balance and we couldn't seem to sync up our free time to have chats. I felt alone and bored and nothing I could do would stop it. 

So, I called back a guy that had given me his number a week prior. This was a mistake. He said he'd like to take me out and show me a good time here, since I'm new to the area. His idea of taking me out and this great time was meeting me at a local brewery in his basketball shorts and hat that still had the plastic portion of a tag attached to it. He didn't even brush his hair. Like..it may just be me, but when someone says take you out, I'm assuming it's either with a sniper rifle or with a nice pair of jeans and a t-shirt without holes in it. If there are holes, at least it's ironically bought that way from Aéropostale. (Aéropostale is still relevant, right?) God forbid I assume there's food involved. Suffice to say, I did not stay long and vowed not to date here again. 

I did not learn my lesson, however, because I agreed to meet another man in Bar Harbor at a bar he was bartending in the following Sunday. He was rude to his customers, though he did not make me pay for my drinks. He was rude to wait staff at the restaurant we went to after his shift. He requested I hold onto his weed when we stopped by his place to allow him to change out of his bartending uniform (I forgot about this as I was legit RUNNING from the hotel lobby later on). He was rude to his friends AND to me when we all went swimming afterwards at a local hotel and he demanded we pay him back for a room he reserved without asking us if we wanted it. He was trying to stick his tongue down my throat whilst simultaneously flirting with the single moms in the hot tub. He called me a cunt for flirting with him and making it "seem like you wanted to bang tonight" and then leaving him "high and dry" with a hotel room he paid $200 for.  Apparently being nice to men who are shitty is flirtatious and somehow promising. 

Not sure what's wrong with men in Maine, but it just wasn't the vibe.

Thankfully, Liv got back on Friday and we were able to resume what passes as normalcy up here. Beach days, margaritas, and making plans for season's end. On Saturday, we are going to see the new Barbie movie in theatres and boy am I EXCITED for it. I just have to get through four more nights of work, but the new guy starts tomorrow so I just have to train him and help out with smores for the next few nights. Shouldn't be too hard, right? That means I no longer have to work five days a week and can go back down to four and actually sleeeeeeeep on the weekends! Wooohooo!! 

In the meantime, management finally spoke with my male roommates, the J1s (two men from Turkey, two from Columbia). They have been rather messy and assuming I clean up after them, buy our trash bags, our paper towels, take the trash out, etc. They also all have second jobs which they ask to be taken to when the weather isn't good, which was a lot the last two months. One of them washes his face in the upstairs bathroom like he's trying to put out a fire and doesn't clean up after he's done, so often that the paint on the counter top is peeling already. These things would be nothing on their own, but when it's all of it all of the time and I'm the only one that they can lean on - it becomes a lot. So I asked one of the managers to speak with them, as they were not picking up what I was putting down. 

My manager spoke with them, bought them cleaning supplies, made them all agree to a cleaning schedule, and now the three women in the house use the upstairs bathroom and the four men use the downstairs. Apparently, they were not happy with this arrangement, but as one of the three women in the house living in the filth and cleaning up after them, I am just fine with it. I can fully see that I am coming off as high-strung here, but if you could only see the photos of the mold in the shower, the food in the sink drains for days, and the pee all over the seats in both bathrooms...you'd be feeling the same type of way. I'd asked them several times prior and no change. One of the other women has begun cooking and eating in the house behind ours because she refuses to clean up after them just to use the kitchen. It's that bad! But I digress...it should be resolved now. Though the guys may be tiffy about it for a while. Oh well. 

So! To recap: two weeks ago was rainy and depressy. Last week was lonely and terribly full of terrible men. This week is starting to look up, though I've had a stomach bug the last few days - I shit you not :P I'm struggling here, but there's only . . . seventy eight more days of camp! 

I know this post was all complainy and blah blah blah. But what can I say? They can't all be winners. I'm here to keep you updated to the events of my life and right now that's the highs And the lows. The sun has returned to Maine, so we should have more highs coming up. Besides, the Barbie movie, the Lumineers, and Noah Kahan concert coming up --- those have to be highs, right? 

Enjoy some pictures of our boat cruise from last week and of Katie wrapped in her beach towel on her birthday!

L2R: Grant, KJ, Katie, Me

Katie bundled at the Beach

Sea Cliff Waterfall during our Boat Tour

Boat Tour Boat Tour

Back to Camp

I have lost track of the number of weeks here, but I do know that there are only 96 more days of camp! That's crazy. When I pulled in May 1st, I thought "Man, six months here is going to be wild and super long." But here we are almost at the exact halfway point, and I feel like I just got here. I had so many plans to get healthy in a way I thought was the best for my body and my mind. Turns out, I didn't need that at all. Yeah, I may be twenty pounds thicker than I was this time last year, but I'm healthy - I'm getting in my veggies, drinking so so much water, and being active every single day. With the thickness comes healing, and with healing - peace! 

But enough deep and meaningful shit - getting back from Canada was met with a whirlwind of changes at camp. The only other night audit at camp up and left the Saturday I returned. Apparently, he wasn't vibing with his roommates and was saying some really off-kilter stuff. Slurs and anti-LGBTQ types, and we don't fuck with that. So I'm not upset he left. And, to top it off, I FINALLY get a full 40 hours like I was promised when I started. I was barely getting 30 because he HAD to work 4 nights and I only got 3, and nothing I said changed it. Bottom line? Boi, bye. I'm working five days a week now, with about 14 hours a shift, so it's been rough getting sleep, but I'll take it. I'm managing, even if that management system involves booze. 

Second! The only other gal living in my house of four guys from Turkey and Columbia left Friday. She's been really struggling and started talking about leaving camp three days in because it wasn't what she thought it'd be. And I totally get that, it also wasn't what I thought - or was told - it was. But it's money and it's a new experience, and I've grinned and bared it, but she wouldn't. And good for her! Go after what you want in life, never settle, even if it means finding another source of income and starting over somewhere new. That's been my journey in a nut shell, so more power to her! In the words of the youths - GO PISS GIRL! 

Third - ever since July started, Liv and Katie and I have been plunging into the ocean, rain or shine, every single day. We started a few days before July, but promised we'd do it every day in July, and as Liv claims, every single day left this season - even in October when it's snowing. I may get hypothermia, but oh well! It's good for the soul. Even when I am dead tired, coming off of a fifteen hour night shift, no sleep the day before and barely any food in my system... I am out in those waves. I am floating, diving, dipping and living. Since starting this, I have actually been sleeping better. Deeper, even. More consistently. And my skin has started healing itself. I have less blemishes, less redness. I honestly think these daily dips are healing us inside and out. 

Tubing Successfully on the Beach at Newbury Neck

Not to totally flip the script, but - I MISS TARA O'BRIEN. So so dearly. And she's my first stop when I leave here, only 96 more days. It's hard being away from my people and best friends. But this is the life I've chosen, the life I love, and the life I never want to give up. Missing people is part of it, albeit a shitty part. I feel like we've been away from each other much longer than this and have managed, and I have faith in us. I have so many stories to tell her about camp and my journey and my ocean plunges and Canadian campsites. That's going to be the best part - catching up! 

The plan going forward is, thus far, GET THROUGH CAMP - then, home to Tara in October. Get the last two weeks of the RenFair in. Stay for probably two whole weeks, but not more than four, just to hang out, see some people, get some storage unit stuff figured out, and then scoot back out west. Visit people on the way out, pit stop to pick up a kayak, and then get back out to Arizona and stay there until the cruise in January, maybe hit up Joshua Tree again. Go on the cruise - drink, have fun, be merry. Apache Junction in March per tradition. Then, hopefully, starting a camp job in Zion in Utah and hiking in my free time. I'm really aiming for the PCT in 2025, and I'm going to hike the hell out of 2024 in preparation. You won't see me getting in a walk-3000-miles type of shape this year, and that's okay. You mostly train for the PCT as you walk the PCT. There's no set level or way to hit Mile One. 

See you on the flip side, homies! Jump in a body of water this week - you won't be disappointed!

Canaduh! Ocean Kayaking! Jelly Fish!!!!

 Without further ado...

We went to CANADA!!!! ~~~~~ 

Packed and Ready to GOOOOO

I spent five days driving from Maine to New Brunswick, to Prince Edward Island, to Nova Scotia, and back with Liv and Katie. We spent our first night in the Bay of Fundy, camped out next to the ocean. Literally fifty feet from it. We made pasta and a fire and sat watching the tide go out. At some point in the middle of the night, they took their pillows and sleeping bags out of the tent and went to lie on the beach to wait for the sunrise. I was out cold. So when I woke up, I had no idea where they'd gone. I walked the camp twice before I found them. They looked like two sleeping seals rolled up in their sleeping bags!

Left to Right: Katie, Liv, Me

From there, we drove to Prince Edward Island and spent the day sunbathing on the beach and taking freezing cold dips in the ocean. We brought lunch, some drinks, and a book each. We saw a jelly fish with a brown top and tendrils that looked like veins, full of bright red blood. We set up camp at a KOA and strung up three hammocks while we enjoyed tacos and a local band playing in the main dining hall. We packed up our tent bright and early the next morning to head to our final destination: Cape Breton Highlands National Park in Nova Scotia. We paid the $50 Canadian dollar toll to leave the island and drove the almost seven hours north.

PEI Swims with Katie

This time, we were staying in a cabin at a KOA under a cliff by the ocean. It was Saturday night, so we got dolled up and headed to North Sydney to have a "fancy dinner" at a boat house on the bay. We took pictures (from above, Liv demanded), drank wine, and had some amazing food. We ended the night with a fire and went to bed early. Sunday, we spent the day driving the loop around Cape Breton Highlands NP and stopping for pictures and small hikes. There was an amazing waterfall that we had to climb to. Liv and Katie held onto me when I needed the stability, it was very nice of them. I had to stay on a rock high above them because I couldn't make the climb back up if I'd gone down. So I took pictures of them playing in the falls and laughing and having a good time. We went topside of the falls after to make sure I got to play in the falls from a safe place, as well, so I could enjoy it too. 

Liv and Katie in the falls

The drive up and around was so full of dense fog and mist, it was so beautiful! We ended the night back at the cabin with a final meal of fettuccini and broccoli over potatoes and sausage, all over a nice and big fire. We went to bed early again to start the drive back to Maine at 6am. 

Liv just VIBING on the scenic drive through Cape Breton

This trip was so amazing and the girls were so helpful and didn't judge me for my inability to do some things. They held my hands when I needed to be steadied and lifted me from the ocean when I couldn't find my footing. They were so helpful and nonjudgmental, it was nice. We have plans to return to Canada in a month or so to do more of Cape Breton and make it down to the south of Nova Scotia, hopefully ending in Newfoundland. In the meantime, we have Lumineers in August and Noah Kahan in September to look forward to. I like these kids. 

When we returned, we went kayaking on the ocean in the bay of Maine near Ellsworth. It was terrifying out there, it was so foggy and I mean FOGGY. Dense fog so we couldn't see either shores when we got out near the boats. But we saw seals and more jelly fish, a few bald eagles and an osprey! I have been kayaking and canoeing before, but never on the ocean and never in such foggy weather. It was dope! 

Kayak with Liv

And Katie!

Then yesterday, we had spent the day going to new spots: an interesting little farmhouse that doubled as a café in the mornings and restaurant in the evenings. Then Serendib downtown, which had Indian and Sri Lankan cuisine. My first time enjoying curry without being nauseated! I was so proud. When we got back from Serendib, we were all sitting on the couches at the Youngbloods house and Liv says, Let's go swimming! The sun was going to set in a little over an hour, but who was I to turn down swimming?! We headed out to what I've learned is called "Newbury Neck" and took a freezing cold dip in the ocean and saw another jellyfish. We sat on the beach drinking and talking about our minds and our time so far at camp. We talked about our dislikes and talked about how much we appreciated having each other up here. We promised we'd take more dips in the ocean, talk less about work, but hang out more whenever we could. We were going to make the best of the summer in Maine, and I believed us. 

My Serendib mascara bled (me, Katie, Liv) at our late night dip

On our drive home, we decided to make one last stop at Margaritas and got pleasantly tipsy to get up the hill back home. We laughed, I cried (it's becoming a habit - who knew I was a crier), and we enjoyed our Friday night back in our Maine home. 

My takeaway from the last week or so has been to just Live. Be healthy, but have fun. Be daring, be careful, be spontaneous, be adventurous. Be whatever will make you love your days you can create on your own. Just Live. That's all we can really do. We just like to throw in adventurous trips and dips along the way. 

I was in awe.

Stay tuned... it's not always this dope, but we're trying to make the most of our time here!  

My takeaway from the last week or so has been to just Live. Be healthy, but have fun. Be daring, be careful, be spontaneous, be adventurous. Be whatever will make you love your days you can create on your own. Just Live. That's all we can really do. We just like to throw in adventurous trips and dips along the way

I'm Getting Good at Forgetting

Many apologies, I've forgotten again. 

Last (last last) week wasn't boring, per se, but not a lot happened. We did, however, have our first Margarita Movie night at the Trip House (my house) and put up mustaches and top hats on the wall so we could drink whenever someone's face lined up with it. I was pleasantly surprised by how Often that actually occurred. It was fun! We had about a dozen or so people throughout the night and I got to hang out with more than just Liv and Katie. We watched World War Z and then Onward for the drinking game. 

Get closer to that mustache, Brad!

On Friday, I went to bed early after nursing Quite the hangover and woke up around 2am. That's when I decided I was going to drive the 16 hours from Maine to Ohio in one shot, and promptly packed up my car and left. I made it to my friend Tara's at 3am on Sunday morning with a few stops, so it was straight through with only an hour of rest here and there. Suffice it to say, I slept most of Sunday away and then we went out for Mexican food. 

My happy ass with a pitcher of Margaritas, of course.

I spent the week with Tara, as she'd just moved into her first house and was feeling overwhelmed and I wanted to be there for emotional support. What are best friends for, after all? I saw Megan as well, but slept most of the rest of the time when I wasn't hanging out or sleeping with the doggos at Tara's. A bit more happened, but I won't go into the itty bitty deets of daily bestie hangs and naps. It was a much-needed-full-of-sleep-and-recovery kind of week. I also told no one I was going except for Megan because I didn't know if I'd have time to see anyone and didn't want to disappoint them. I'll be back in the fall and will catch up with them all at that time, anyways!

Tara caught me sleeping with the puppers

I left Columbus around 8pm on Friday night this time to head back to Maine, but only after stopping at the car repair shop because, even after a full look-over and fix-up, the steering wheel kept jerking to the side. Luckily, I got in and out within an hour and it wasn't too bad. From there, I drove completely straight through to Maine and got in around 1pm. I showered, saw the youngbloods next door, and then went to bed for 14 hours. 

Today, Liv and I went to Bangor to do some shopping. I had to return some video tapes (kidding), some books to Target, and we needed a Target therapy run. We got back to the house and watched Renfield, the new Nicholas Cage & Nicholas Holt movie about Dracula. It was pretty good. 

Again, not a lot has been happening, but this next week we are going to Canada for about 5 days, so I will have more to report back! When we return, I will be working nonstop and hopefully picking up hours at a local restaurant here in town. I'm really trying my damnedest to save money so I won't have to work this winter when I get back to Arizona. 

So wish me luck on really putting my nose to the grindstone or however that saying goes, sorry this was so short, but some of you (Looking at you, French!) will be glad it's short :P Catch you on the other side of Canada!

Without Further Ado

 Apologies for missing last week - my laptop decided to die randomly!

Last week, not a lot happened. But! Liv, Katie and I are planning a Canada trip at the end of the month, so that is exciting! I also paid off the cruise for January '24 and have decided completely that I will be back on the West Coast by mid-November this year. I planned to maybe stay on the East Coast, but I just can't be anywhere other than Arizona or California anymore. It's a part of me and I am a part of it. 

My week was very uneventful. I worked Mon-Wed and then I slept the morning of Thursday after working. Probably for 4 or 5 hours. Then I went over to the Young Bloods' house to hang out and drink with Katie until Liv got home. From there, we walked to Margaritas and had a shot, then walked to Fogtown Brewery to meet up with Jake and Gus, only to go back to Margaritas to end our nights. Once we got back from Margaritas, I dyed Liv's hair again so that her roots would be more green. It turned out pretty cool. Amazing, really.

On Friday, Liv and I went to Portland because she DEMANDED a can of chili tattoo (there's a story there). So we took my truck and drove the 2.5hrs to Portland, walked around downtown, had margaritas (duh) and chicken wings and made it to a shop accepting walk-ins. She got her chili and I got a few mushrooms. 

My Mushrooms

Liv's Can of Chili

It was nice to get out of Ellsworth and just vibe farther than Bangor. We came back with enough time to hit up Margaritas, which we decided was our last trip there. From now on, we're saving money and eating and drinking at home. We have a living room at my house with three couches and TONS of wall space. I ordered a projector off Amazon and we'll be setting up a cantina with movies in that room. It will be better than Margaritas because it's cheap and it will still have Margaritas. Plus, it's not a ten to fifteen minute walk away in the rain and the dark! 

On the way back from Portland, Liv and I decided we were going to travel and explore once we leave Maine. I don't want to get too excited, but Liv wants to caravan with me. This means when we leave Maine, we are going to travel together - in separate cars - from Maine to Virginia to Ohio to Arizona. She is from Virginia and that is where her kayak lives. I'm going to be purchasing one soon. The plan is to go out to Arizona and just boondock until August of 2024 and then go to New Zealand. We may get camp jobs in the middle just for the cash for NZ, but the plan is to hike Te Araroa for three months and then come back to do the PCT or split our ways and figure out our next steps on our own. I will 100% be doing the PCT afterwards, unless I overstay my trip to New Zealand and never leave. Here's to hoping she actually wants to do this with me, because I am doing it regardless.

Anyways, back to reality - Saturday night, we all hung out in the triple-couch living room and drank margaritas while watching the Iron Giant on my tiny laptop. It was fun to have us all together drinking margaritas and got me excited to revamp that space for nighttime hangouts in the future.

The rain came on Thursday night and hasn't left. It will be raining until next Saturday! We will have sunlight for one day (just so happens to be Bar Harbor's Pride event (I see you, Universe). Then I will be driving back to Ohio for a week to visit Tara and get some Cold weather gear from my storage unit. I'll also be setting up the roof rack, since my plan is to buy a kayak at some point this summer. I also just need some stimulation, so I'm hoping this quick drive down and back will give me that. 

Sunday, Lucy and Lauren went to Margaritas with me and JT offered me a job. I declined because I liked going there too much to work there! And I'd only be there for the season, so it didn't feel right. We went home to watch Galaxy Quest after and talked on the triple couches for a while. It was nice having a mixture of the people at camp this time, even though I love always hanging out with Liv and Katie. Change is the flavor of life, right? or something like that. 

Left to Right: Me, Lauren, Lucy

Anyways, here's to three more days of work and hopefully going home to see my best friend and grab some cold clothes from storage. I might get new tires and a tune up while I'm at it. 

Thanks for following along with my incessant ramblings and musings. I appreciate you. 

Week Two - Only 143 Days To Go

Week Two and I gotta be honest - I'm not sure I love it here. But it's a job. It's money. It's paying for my future years on the road. Okay, future months* because $17 an hour isn't gonna make me rich. But it's something! And I'm grateful.

Also, I'm making friends! Little baby twenty-somethings that I'm having a hand in raising (mostly joking). They keep me young. They keep up with my drinking and make me take walks on days I would rather stay in bed, adding to my depressive states. They ask me for advice I know I'm not old enough to give with any conviction, but I feel honored to be the one they look up to. Without them, I don't know if I'd stay up here, even with the money and free housing. It just didn't seem like enough my first few days and weeks.

The plan going forward is this: make it to the end of the season. It's free housing. It's income. It's something more than drinking in the desert by myself in the hills for a few months and saving zero dollars. It's more than sitting in a house in Ohio wanting more out of life. It's more than nothing, so what do I have to complain about? Answer: nothing. It's a job and it'll come with it's difficulties and nuances and issues, but ITS A JOB. It's money.

My first three days working on my own were fine. The last night was below freezing and there's no heat in the main tent where I stay through the night, but I had a blanket and a small space heater. I had food and a microwave. I had resources. All I did was light a fire in tent 62, drop off water at tent 18, and then watch Netflix for six hours. I made some s'mores. I'm getting paid for THAT. It can't be all that bad. It's a job.

Can you tell I'm trying to convince myself that... its a job? 

One of my roommates, Lauren, is leaving in June to hike El Camino in Spain. She's feeling the same as I am here - like it wasn't the best of choices, but here we are. I'm jealous of her but I'm also thinking, Why give up so soon? If I had the option and the body and the dexterity to hike the PCT this year - would I give up Maine and the money to do it just because this place isn't what I hoped for? I didn't have many expectations but 40hrs guaranteed was one of them that I'm not getting. Is that enough to bounce? To go back to paying for things without income coming in? For me - no. No it isn't. And that's enough to stay. I can also pick up more hours during the days, chop kindling, clean some tents. Next year, I'll go back out west and vibe or get another job and then I'll do the PCT. I'm trying Not to lose all of my money without income coming in and this is part of it. It's a job.

But enough about my indecision and desire to bounce - this is one choice I won't run from.

Besides - this weekend wasn't half bad. I spent most of Thursday and Friday sleeping. I had to recoup from my three nights of 14 hour shifts. It's the only way to get almost 40 hours unless I want to work during the days instead of sleeping. On Saturday, there was a volunteering project in town that we were getting paid for. We helped plant 160 trees with a group of arborists and it wasn't bad. I realized that my body is not ready for crouching and, thus, hiking to any high gain in elevation and I'm going to need to do a lot of yoga and stretching because my knees are already feeling like they need replaced and I'm worried my body is trying to give up before I do. If I want to do the PCT without dying, I'm going to need to fix that. My knees still hurt two days later. 

Under Canvas team planting Trees

After we planted trees, Liv and I headed to get margaritas because that's all we can really do around here. We drank a little, had dinner and talked about how things are going with the job. Liv is also not Loving the job. This seems to be an umbrella feeling throughout camp - it's lackluster and none of us really enjoy it. But I feel like I can't really complain all that much. Sure, it's not what I expected - but it's also not hard, it feels like free money, and I get to hang out with these fun kids all of the time and do good in New England. I never got to help the environment farther than helping drop off recycling in a job before. 

Certified Tree Huggers (Liv & I)

Sunday, I slept in as much as possible and we had a larger group go with us for lunch and margaritas. There was Eduard, Jamie, Lara, Liv, Katie, Nick and me. Much larger. We ate, talked about Columbia with Eduard, Jamie and Lara - they're all called "J1s" which is a college term for coming to America for working opportunities whilst still taking classes when you return. We then walked back home and hung out watching the Celtics (basketball, for those like me who know nothing of sports) game, drinking and talking about random things. Eventually, it became all of us plus Chloe, Lauren, and Lucy. I even dyed Liv's hair during this. She went to bed immediately after I rinsed her.

Left to right: Nick, Olivia, Katie, Eduard, Lara, Jamie

I went to bed last night feeling full, having all of these people around me from different walks of life, different states and even countries, yet all coming together in some tiny New England coastal town to make a little cash and spend the summer by the ocean. It can't all be bad if these are the nights I'll remember, instead of nights at camp freezing behind a desk with no heat for 14 hours. 

Not every week can be a winner, and sometimes you just have to push through the bad ones and the thoughts of a better place elsewhere. It's a job, after all. And this one has a few perks. 

Here's to Day One..

Don't worry, this week is not full of drinking. Not a lot, anyway. 

Week two in Acadia - the gals and I have been walking every day along a bike path that is about two miles round trip. We call it our decompression trek, as we use it to vent about our days and our interactions with fellow camp workers. Most of the time, I don't have a lot to say - I don't work with them all since I'm on night shift. But I interject or provide wisdom when a complaining question arises regarding how to deal with micromanagers or selfish workers. There are many workers that have been here a few years and they get preferential treatment, of course. 

We did not go for margaritas this week, which was wild. We decided as a group that we'd hold off until we get paid, which is next Friday. Then the plan is a standing Margarita 'Monday' to unwind, vent, and have a good time between all of our shifts (our schedules are different so it'll be a joint effort to choose a day during the week where I don't work that night and they're off before 9pm). Then we have our daily walks in the morning when I'm off or vice versa in the afternoon. It's mostly based on our revolving schedules. We had a beer or two, but nothing heavy like margarita nights. 

Good news, though - I'm getting my walks in. I wanted to work on my staircases but the closest gym only has a few treadmills and one weight rack. I know, dire straits out here. I have joined a few Facebook groups of local women to hike or hang with, so I am hopeful. 

Monday to Wednesday was quite boring, but I did get to hangout next door with the young bloods more often than not. Liv, Katie and I would walk the entire bike path and back, then settle in for a documentary in the afternoons. This meant I slept from 8am to 5pm, then stayed up as late as possible after they went to bed to ensure my schedule flip. Working 10p to 8a was going to kill me, I just knew it. 

Wednesday, I'd gotten up around 6:30p and sat outside in the darkening night while I waited on a door dash meal. I was too tired to cook. I was sitting on the steps outside when up walked an entire family of deer. There was a baby and five adults. I am always taken aback when I see how close the wildlife up here gets to our houses. I'm weary about leaving doors open because of the amount of critters out here. They came as close as five feet from me and I was just in awe. 

Thursday was my day One and I was nervous but ready. The quicker I learned the job, the quicker I had nights to edit or finish the trilogy. We would have three hours of work work and seven of nothing, which I planned to fill with writing. I just needed to get the job down first! 

Night one day was very quick, actually. It felt slow from 2am to 3am, but other than that - it flew by. Lisa let us go home before 8 and I crashed immediately. The bay at night was beautiful. The moon was orange and looked like a legit wedge of orange just sitting in the sky. I had to run a few reports, make 150 bags of s'mores, and sweep the lobby. Not too shabby. 

Camp at dawn 

Staying up the next morning until 11 or noon proved to be impossible, so I fell asleep immediately and woke up around 4. I ordered food and went right back to sleep. I needed more layers and colder weather items, but that was going to wait for Sunday - my day off (sadly, Sarah would not shop on this day either). 

Day, or should I say night, two was even less eventful. I pretty much had the job down at that point so I did all of the tasks when they needed to be done and watched the last few episodes of Wednesday on Netflix for the rest of the night. The nightly tasks are all pretty straightforward and easy. The only thing I was worried about were customer requests when I'd have to be away from the front desk and such. I'm sure the ease will come with time. 

Sunday meant a day off and that meant - Margaritas! I slept less than I wanted to, I woke up groggy and mad about it. I hurried over to the young blood house to bring them a drain snake thing (clogged sink) and brought booze with me. I introduced the new guys in my house to Liv and Katie, we drank a little, and then we walked over to Margaritas. Alex was in town, so he met us there. We discovered that we could mad drink the margaritas from the tiny glasses quicker through straws - this was genius, but also a mistake. The girls were drunk by time Alex showed up and thank goodness he drove there and took us back. They were not walking.

                            Sarah (left) Katie (middle) Liv (right) enjoying Margarita pitchers 

We hung out at the young blood house for a little while and then Alex and I excused ourselves to drive out to Acadia and camp for the night. He'd brought his trailer up and was excited for me to see it. It was cute, a little small, but lots of space for what he wanted. He gutted the bed and put in a desk - all he really wanted it for was work, so who am I to judge?

This week felt really short and I am surprised that I've gotten used to night shift so quickly. I am a little apprehensive about working by myself Monday-Wednesday nights, but Lisa and David both said they were only a phone call away, so it shouldn't be too bad. I'm gonna be fine. 

Until next time - drink a few for me ;) 

Did I Say Boring?

Oooooof. This might have been the longest week yet. Nothing bad happened, thank goodness. It was just very long and full of actually working. Your girl has a J-O-B! 

I am broadcasting LIVE from Acadia, Maine! *I won't tell you exactly because safety and whatnot*

This week has been full of driving - Sunday night, I left Philadelphia around 8pm and headed into and out of New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and finally Maine. I stopped in a random Walmart parking lot in Connecticut around 1am and made it to Maine Monday afternoon. The house loomed above me and the inside was Humungous. I mean, LARGE. I got up to my room, with it's single twin bed and bedside table and got to work unpacking. I'd completed the move just before 5pm when one of my roommates arrived. His name is Spencer. He has lived in camp housing for the last year, staying over between seasons which are exactly 6 months apart. I was the first to arrive of new housemates. Lauren, the J1 team, and a few others were due the following week. 

Once I'd completed the move in, I was wired, so I went in search of a margarita. It was Monday, after all. And I didn't have to start working until Wednesday morning. I filled myself up on margaritas and queso and made it home before nightfall, easily slipping into a deep deep slumber.

The next day, Spencer advised me that the people next door were hosting some sort of game night, that he definitely wasn't going, but that I could pop over if I wanted to. I grabbed a six pack, some shooters, and walked in the dark to next door. They had no idea who I was and thought I was selling something. Nick opened the door in dreads, a poncho, and a flowing skirt. He introduced me to his cat, Hades. Hades had allergies so he had to wear a rather large cone that he didn't seem to notice. He was aimlessly licking at his haunch, which meant he was licking his cone over and over, never touching his skin. It was adorable. I was also introduced to Olivia, Katie, and Chloe. Chloe was Nick's partner and they had an amazing sense of style that paired red-lined curvy eye make up and homemade earrings that stretched to a point just over their shoulder. They were all at least seven years younger than me and I felt another tinge of jealousy. I assumed I wouldn't be able to relate or become friends with them very easily because of the age gap. Turns out, I was completely wrong about that. 

We stayed up pretty late talking as the other four roommates (all guys) played Axis and Allies in the next room. I had a lot of questions about the camp and the person I was supposed to be working with. I wanted to make sure I knew as much as possible before being thrust into the unknown. We did pink Whitney shots and fireball, drank the six pack of my cider, and I was offered lots of wine options. It was nice to know I was not the only heavy drinker in the group. They liked to go hard when necessary.

The next day, at orientation, I got to meet most of the rest of the staff. There were five major groups of us: Front Desk (me), House Keeping, Facilities, GEC (experience coordinators), and Food. Everyone was very nice and non-judgmental. I think it's a good group. We spent five hours going over camp information and HR-related tasks and then finally got to go to camp to see it and have some pizza. From there, I was excused to do four hours of First Aid and CPR training (your girl is CPR certified for the next two years!). This was mostly online and I fell asleep more times than I care to admit. I took the test for it in-person the next day and passed with the other night auditor, David. 

Ocean View at Camp 

We mostly did housekeeping tasks at camp the next day and left around 4:30. Olivia (whom prefers to be called Liv) and Katie went to dinner with me and we had - you guessed it! - margaritas. So many margaritas! We walked there and back and were giggling the entire walk home. Liv had taken her margarita glass with her when we left, so she was losing it constantly. Once we made it back to the houses, (we were next door neighbors, if you recall), they stopped in to see our layout and wanted to stay in our huge living room space. We talked and giggled and took photos of Liv inside our shelving unit before heading back over to their house (there's a large cabinet with a hole in the wall behind it - weird, I know). Once there, we somehow drank two and a half bottles of wine between us. Nick eventually joined us with a married couple from another house (Sarah #2 and her husband that definitely has a name). There's probably five or six houses between all of us.

Once I'd had enough wine, it was only about 9:30pm, but I was completely ready for bed. I left to walk back next door and immediately fell into bed and then a deep slumber. I didn't even need a movie playing, I was that tired. I woke up the next day completely not-hungover somehow and headed to work again. Friday was spent sanding and staining deck chairs and tables with Nevada and Hailey. 

Left to Right: Nevada, Hailey, & Me Sanding Tables

At 1pm, we were released and the plan was for Liv and I to head back to a Mexican restaurant for Margaritas Part Dos. It was Cinco de Mayo, after all! We had two pitchers again, but less of us this time. By time we walked out of there, I was very intoxicated. I wasn't able to eat my full meal, which was 100% a mistake on my part. We got back to Liv's house and everyone was over to head to a stargazing event at the camp. I knew I was not going to make it there and back without dying, so I stayed behind and hung out with Katie for a little while before stumbling back to my own house and collapsing into bed.

I honestly thought I'd be doing a lot less drinking out here, but shit happens. Once I am on my night schedule and settled into a routine, that's when I'll be able to cut back since I won't be going to a lot of the "after-work" hangs at the other houses. So I will finish the cider in the fridge and curb the drinking. These kids are just too wild for my old ass! I kid, I kid. 

There is only one gym out here and it only has so many machines. Apparently the house connected to  us goes every morning at 6am. I will not be joining them at 6am. I did need to get started on training for the PCT. The faster I can hike, the later in the season I can start. Tara's wedding is next May, early in the month, so I should be able to drive out west and start the PCT before the end of May. I need to be able to hike it in less than five months. I'm jumping all over the place again, apologies!

Saturday was spent entirely in bed, aside for a quick walk over to the young blood house to get my leftovers. It was necessary. I had my first real hangover in a long time. Carbs are always the answer to hangovers. 

The plan for Sunday was to head into Bangor and do some shopping, purchase some party favors, and sleep sleep sleep. I need to get into my overnight sleeping schedule, so my plan is to sleep until Right Before we leave and then stay up as long as possible. I'm hoping that before Thursday, I will be mostly acclimated to night shift. 10 hours a night all by myself is going to be hard, but I'm going to figure it out and work it out. On my off days, I have compiled a list of hikes in Bar Harbor to start my PCT training. Alex might also come into town late next week or soon thereafter. It'll be nice to share Maine with someone!  

We went to Bangor at 8:30am. We got into town and hit Target for some cash back, then Sally's for some hair dye, then the liquor store because we owed Gus for making us Old Fashions. Then we went to a dispensary and we ended at a restaurant that was borderline terrible. But we had fun. Our last stop was piercings! I got my two eyebrow piercings back, and then we headed back to Ellsworth to chill out.

Terrible service, not food!

Once back, I taught a few people how to win at Egyptian Rat Screw and then we ended our nights around 10pm. I popped a party favor and settled in to watch The Mummy. Because who am I if not predictable? 

Join me next weekend when I will finally have an actual rundown of how my first overnight shifts go at work. I should have some visits from Alex as well, if the plans go through. Until then, adios amigos :)  

Boring Is Beautiful

By Friday night, I couldn't say much happened this week. My Monday was spent with Tara and her husband getting Mexican food and hanging around the apartment. I did not have the strength to do anything else. It's like being back in Ohio drains me entirely of all strength and alertness. I'm sleepy constantly. 

Tuesday wasn't much different, except I did have some drinks and appetizers while catching up with Liz (different one than Indiana Liz). It was short and sweet but we caught up and talked about how our lives were spiraling at the same time. Afterwards, I --- you guessed it! --- went right to sleep and I did pass go to collect $100. I simply fell on the couch and snored my way into oblivion. 

Wednesday was spent doing pretty much the exact same thing. But I did finish reading a book! #11 out of 12 for the year - I'm ahead of schedule. Overachiever mode. So there's that. 

Thursday, I packed up and went to stay in a hotel. As much as I love staying with Tara and appreciate them for allowing me to crash, there's not a good way to sleep in with two puppers! The little devils :) I ran a few errands, showered and got spiffed up and went to Nasty's for dinner. I got to see the crew that haunts the patio and get hugs and high fives where needed. I also believe I spent Zero dollars because everyone at the bar was buying my drinks for me. That was nice! 

Too many drinks though. I left early, I was only there for dinner after all, but I was welcomed Friday morning with a blistering hangover. It made the five hour drive from Columbus to Harrisburg terribly difficult. I chugged water, stopped too many times to pee, and was out of energy by 5pm. I pulled into a hotel and ordered some food. I wanted to shower and get a good night's sleep before spending the weekend with Alex. I was planning to sleep heavily and not get up early. My next stop, Philadelphia, was only an hour and a half away, so I didn't have to leave until at least ten the next morning. I was going to enjoy a Fast and the Furious marathon and some Popeye's Chicken to my heart's content and then some. 

I left Harrisburg early in the morning on Saturday and made it into Philly around 10am. My friend still hadn't left Jersey, so I had some time to kill. Parking was horrendous and on a normal day, my anxiety is through the roof with simple tasks, so I was beat. I found a parking garage near their address and parked for sanity and peace of mind. I stopped into Odd Fellows for a drink, read a little, and then went to meet Alex at his place. Our plan for the day: bar hopping. Just what I needed, more alcohol! 

Soju and Wings

I kid, I kid...but I was already working at half-mast. We agreed to head to a Korean bar that also serves Soju and started our Saturday. The soju was superb! The chicken was immaculate. We were starting strong and the soju was slowly creeping up on us. From there, the plan was a cider bar, but we had to avoid his ex apparently. On a quick stop by the house, we noticed there was parking farther down his street that could fit his Tesla which meant that I could save my truck from the parking garage and park right outside on the street. We moved both vehicles and off we went to bar #2 - the A Bar. Unsure why it was called that when the sign outside said AKA, but I digress. The staff was lovely and gave us some suggestions for our next bars. We hit a cool little spot called Oscar's and made our way to the Tattooed Moms. By far the Best bar I'd been to since Stardust in Phoenix. From floor to ceiling, there were posters and stickers and drawings. It was like what you'd expect an abandoned building with graffiti would look like, but somehow it worked. There was dim lighting, excellent music and young people congregating here and there. We got some drinks at the bar and made our way to sit in a little bumper car that was repurposed as a seat. It was phenomenal. 10/10 would recommend. 

My Mandalorian Punch

After what I think was four (probably) Mandalorian Punches (a bag filled with rum punch and bobo), I was ready for bed. I no longer wanted to stand up or talk to anyone else. I was started to fade in a big way. So we said goodbye to his roommates, whom had met us at the bar a little before, and walked back to the house. We made couscous and listened to a smooth jazz-ish and headed to bed. I had a blast. 

Said Car Thingy 

Not a lot happened this week, but at least that meant nothing Bad happened. Small victories. Honestly.. I loved that the week was boring and not a lot was scheduled or going on. I have been go-go-going constantly since last week's start in San Diego and I am exhausted! Bring on the boring for a few days!

I'm leaving Philly tonight and driving toward Maine. Tomorrow, I will be gainfully employed by a camp company where I'll be doing their night audits - basically running daily financials and handling late check-ins. This means I will have about eight hours each night I work of Nothing work-related, so I will finish editing my book (hopefully) and push it through publishing that much faster! I could also be less of a stickler for what I want to keep in it. Some things just can't be cut, you know? 

Sometimes, letting go is the only option..

I woke up Monday morning slightly groggy but excited for the White Sands National Park. I debated doing laundry but opted to just shower and go instead. The drive from Las Cruces only took 45 minutes and the park had Just opened. No one was at the gates yet, which meant no one was charging for entry. The gate was open - just no one in the window. Before you say anything, the guy at the main desk said if no one is there, there is no fee. They just got new staff, training, timing issues, etc.

When I tell you it was like being in the Sahara... The whitest sand and tallest dunes as far as the eye can see! Right after bushes and trees and normal clay desert kinds of things - just BAM! Apparently, there was an ocean there millions of years ago and as the sea levels dropped and the land mass rose, the sandy sediment on the ocean floor came with it. I got to climb up and walk through an ancient sea floor! That's some next level mermaid stuff right there.  

Yeah, st*t was cool.

I spent a good couple of hours there and decided I needed to get going. What was I in a rush for? Absolutely no reason, I just have anxiety. I also had a lot of ground to cover up next - Texas. Texas alone can take a whole day, and the last time I drove through Texas, I'd ended up accidentally in Mexico with no passport (I made sure to bring it this time). I left White Sands with a feeling of my insignificance, stopped for gas, some red bull, and a 5-Hour Energy Shot just in case and off I went.

I won't bore you with the details of the next fifteenish hours - just lots of driving and refueling and a single BK run for chicken fries. It was a mistake, believe me. I messaged my friend in Indiana that I'd be there a lot sooner than planned, which was Saturday evening. I'd be there Wednesday instead. Thankfully she was free, so I was going to do Hot Springs National Park in Arkansas Tuesday and then head up to the Indiana dunes and stop in to see her Wednesday.

That meant getting to Ohio by Thursday morning. I decided not to tell a single soul until absolutely necessary.

To note (and skip this if you're not keen on super long musings about the vastness and beauty of this world or the smell of rain coming in from the east). On Tuesday as I'm driving through Texas, I'm going through these back roads on I 410 or maybe 195, I honestly do not remember. I'm going under all of these canopies of trees and just being amazed by how green everything is. It made me miss this side of the country a little bit just because in Arizona there's nowhere that's this green. Even in Flagstaff it's snow or it's rock, but there's not just big fields of grass and huge groves of trees, at least not in winter. And I just missed all of the trees. And the smell of oaks and pines entwined in large groves. I think I was just feeling rather dreamy along my lonely drive. The kind of big gulp of air in your chest and walking a little bit taller feeling. 

I was feeling small, wondering how the world could be so pretty and so vast. I think it was because I woke up at 6:00 a.m. after maybe 3 and 1/2 hours of sleep. So I was a little sideways instead of fully cognizant. I think the XM radio station Coffee House really helped because it's just all dreamy music and ballads. I don't know. I just felt a little more whole or maybe even a little incomplete like... I missed home or something.

But what is home? I always thought that it was Arizona. Or I'd thought that it was the road. I think maybe I don't know what or where home is. So I just keep driving. I just keep searching for home.

- Smooth Segway - 

 

I made it to Hot Springs, Arkansas and saw a few bathhouses. They literally have the natural spring going under them and use it to fill the tubs inside! I walked through downtown Hot Springs and found a little Mexican restaurant with a bartender that looked like Mina Kunis (she did not agree she looked like her but appreciated the compliment). Excellent taco salad, good company. 

After a margarita for the road, I drove very sleepily through Arkansas to Memphis to get to a campsite for a much needed shower and that dreaded heap of laundry. I had maybe two pairs of underwear left, so it was necessary. I had a minor emotional breakdown on the way about a family matter on the drive and pulled over to call my best friend, Tara. She was lovely and made me stop crying and I felt much better. 

Another rambling musing about the road incoming - The great thing about doing solo vanlife is that you may be solo, but you're never truly alone. I have Ben and Carla, and Gary, Richard, Becky in Arizona. Liz and Marvin in California. Trey soon to be in Texas. Aliyah and Karina in Colorado. Liz and Theo in Indiana. Tara, Megan and Max, Lindsay, Liz and Sam, and Rachel in Ohio. Alex in Pennsylvania. I have so many people along the way that I never feel like someone is too far away from me. That's super comforting and makes me a lot less lonely as I drive further and further down the road. It also made me feel super comfortable about letting go of the last bits of family I had (more on this later).  

To further my week of mental breakdowns (two in two days was a new record) - I was still reeling from Tuesday when I was getting ready for a dinner date with Liz B in Indiana and dropped concealer on my new White Sands van shirt (every national park visit is paired with a national park van decal of an actual van - if they're out, I get the matching T-shirt - it doesn't have to make sense, it just is how it is). I couldn't get it out and just started crying. I was bawling. Just tears and snot and making a scene in the parking lot of a Mexican restaurant. It was obviously a big overreaction, and I could recognize that even in the moment. I just couldn't stop it. 

I posted on FB the status of my mental breakdown via concealer dilemma and was SAVED BY THE BEN. OxiClean + warm water = removal of makeup stains. Who knew? Google wasn't helping with what I had in my van - it said dish soap and don't scrub. It said cold water and makeup wipes. MAKEUP WIPES! All that did was smear it into the shirt further. I had given up and thought maybe I can turn the shirt into a bandana or a pillow case or something. I was GIVING UP like an asshole. I couldn't handle a simple problem at this moment, obviously. But I digress, it has been resolved! 

So - I made it to Ohio FINALLY and got to see Megan's baby girl. I spent a few hours catching up with them and holding her and she was just the cutest. I also saw Rachel and we stayed up talking about cryptids and energies and waited on the meteor shower. Then I got to see my best friend, Tara. We had a chill Friday night, had a blast on Saturday, and are once again chilling today. We plan to have two more days of relaxing togetherness and I'll be on my way once more. She's been my rock this week, this past year. Hell, this past decade. When my family ties come undone, she's there to tell me its going to be okay. She's my family. Digression, once more!

Widdle Baby Marcie

So today - I got a few new tattoos. I got a dog print on my hand for Thanos (we miss you, stinky boy), and a snail and cactus for my love of Arizona and a snail obsession with a friend I met in Arizona last year. He's obsessed with them - I like them well enough. There's a love story to tell about the desert and the night sky and stolen kisses in my van next to a campfire and yadda yadda. 

So on top of all the mental breakdowns I've had this past week, that's where my week ended. 

I promise next week's post will be less depressing and sassy and snide. I'll be coming to you from somewhere between Philadelphia and Surry, Maine. I start my six month stint on the following Wednesday. Wish me luck!

***And no, I didn't forget about the promised tattoo photo - I'm giving you the Thanos paws because the other one is a surprise for someone, you'll see it next Sunday!